Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Enjoy the penises
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
