i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
