And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
