If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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