just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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