The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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