3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
