I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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