Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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