Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
should my penis look like a turkey
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
