Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
