Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
