so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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