Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
