Yo dont text me then not text me
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you didnt know i had herpes?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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