I just cut my nipple shaving
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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