from now on my penis is your penis
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
