I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
