pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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