i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
