If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
