He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
