remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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