I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just pynch a tree in the face
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize