my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
