your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
