yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
