If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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