i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
