okay pat passed out under dana's car
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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