Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
