did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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