At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
