i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
