mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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