Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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