Buhtt sex?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
