i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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