so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
