she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
