I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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