Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I faked an abortion last night.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
