is your mom at the bar?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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