First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
And then my night got REAL pukey
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
