How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
