so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
