she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
