people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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