I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize