Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
