you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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