We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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