Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
