i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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