careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
