Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
