I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize