Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
