He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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