Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
