Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
