I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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