A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
