you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
